Interacting with others is an inevitable part of life, and how we manage these interactions can significantly impact our inner peace and well-being.
Since discovering Stoicism in 2015, I’ve found its timeless wisdom incredibly helpful, especially in dealing with other people.
Though Stoicism is often associated with personal resilience and inner strength, it also offers profound insights into managing our relationships with others.
Today, I’ll first share some of the best Stoic quotes that have guided me in navigating relationships, handling conflicts, and maintaining harmony amid the complexities of human interaction.
Then, I’ll get into my key takeaways.
Let’s dive in.
Best Stoic Quotes on Dealing with Other People
“The only thing that isn’t worthless: to live this life out truthfully and rightly. And be patient with those who don’t.” – Marcus Aurelius
“When someone seems to have injured you: But how can I be sure? And in any case, keep in mind: • that he’s already been tried and convicted—by himself. (Like scratching your own eyes out.) • that to expect a bad person not to harm others is like expecting fig trees not to secrete juice, babies not to cry, horses not to neigh—the inevitable not to happen. What else could they do—with that sort of character? If you’re still angry, then get to work on that.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” – Marcus Aurelius
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.” – Marcus Aurelius
“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” – Marcus Aurelius
“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” – Marcus Aurelius
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil.” – Marcus Aurelius
“If any man despises me, that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving of contempt.” – Marcus Aurelius
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Adapt yourself to the life you have been given; and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Do not be ashamed of help.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Men exist for the sake of one another.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy. For what can the most insolent man do to you, if you contrive to be kind to him, and if you have the chance gently advise and calmly show him what is right…and point this out tactfully and from a universal perspective. But you must not do this with sarcasm or reproach, but lovingly and without anger in your soul.” – Marcus Aurelius
“When men are inhuman, take care not to feel towards them as they do towards other humans.” – Marcus Aurelius
“To refrain from imitation is the best revenge.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Will any man despise me? Let him see to it. But I will see to it that I may not be found doing or saying anything that deserves to be despised.” – Marcus Aurelius
“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.'” – Epictetus
“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” – Epictetus
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” – Epictetus
“Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others.” – Epictetus
“Remember, it is not enough to be hit or insulted to be harmed, you must believe that you are being harmed. If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation. Which is why it is essential that we not respond impulsively to impressions; take a moment before reacting, and you will find it easier to maintain control.” – Epictetus
“I laugh at those who think they can damage me. They do not know who I am, they do not know what I think, they cannot even touch the things which are really mine and with which I live.” – Epictetus
“To accuse others for one’s own misfortune is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one’s education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one’s education is complete.” – Epictetus
“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus
“Attach yourself to what is spiritually superior, regardless of what other people think or do. Hold to your true aspirations no matter what is going on around you.” – Epictetus
“Caretake this moment. Immerse yourself in its particulars. Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed. Quit evasions. Stop giving yourself needless trouble. It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now.” – Epictetus
“Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.” – Epictetus
“If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it.” – Epictetus
“Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. It is not to be found in your personal associations, nor can it be found in the regard of other people. It is a fact of life that other people, even people who love you, will not necessarily agree with your ideas, understand you, or share your enthusiasms. Grow up! Who cares what other people think about you!” – Epictetus
“Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you and be silent.” – Epictetus
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus
“An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself.” – Epictetus
“It is unrealistic to expect people to see you as you see yourself.” – Epictetus
“If someone tried to take control of your body and make you a slave, you would fight for freedom. Yet how easily you hand over your mind to anyone who insults you. When you dwell on their words and let them dominate your thoughts, you make them your master.” – Epictetus
“If someone speaks badly of you, do not defend yourself against the accusations, but reply; ‘you obviously don’t know about my other vices, otherwise you would have mentioned these as well.'” – Epictetus
“Do not try to seem wise to others. If you want to live a wise life, live it on your own terms and in your own eyes.” – Epictetus
“It is better to do wrong seldom and to own it, and to act right for the most part, than seldom to admit that you have done wrong and to do wrong often.” – Epictetus
“As the sun does not wait for prayers and incantations to be induced to rise, but immediately shines and is saluted by all, so do you also not wait for clappings of hands and shouts of praise to be induced to do good, but be a doer of good voluntarily and you will be beloved as much as the sun.” – Epictetus
“When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval.” – Epictetus
“A city is not adorned by external things, but by the virtue of those who dwell in it.” – Epictetus
“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” – Seneca
“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.” – Seneca
“Regard [a friend] as loyal, and you will make him loyal.” – Seneca
“He who has injured thee was either stronger or weaker than thee. If weaker, spare him; if stronger, spare thyself.” – Seneca
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for crisis.” – Seneca
“Gold tests with fire, woman with gold, man with woman.” – Seneca
“We are members of one great body, planted by nature…. We must consider that we were born for the good of the whole.” – Seneca
“It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.” – Seneca
My Key Takeaways from Stoicism on How to Deal with Other People
Since embracing Stoicism in 2015, I’ve found its teachings incredibly valuable in navigating relationships and interactions with others. Here are my key takeaways, each supported by favorite quotes that have guided me along the way.
1. Practice Patience and Understanding
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is the importance of patience and understanding.
Marcus Aurelius’ advice, “The only thing that isn’t worthless: to live this life out truthfully and rightly. And be patient with those who don’t,” has been a guiding principle for me.
When dealing with difficult individuals, I remind myself that everyone is on their own journey and may not yet see things the way I do. This perspective helps me stay calm and empathetic, even in challenging situations.
2. Focus on Your Own Actions
Another essential takeaway is to focus on my own actions and reactions rather than trying to control others.
Marcus Aurelius’ advice, “How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy,” encapsulates this perfectly.
For instance, at work, instead of getting frustrated with a colleague’s behavior, I concentrate on maintaining my own standards of professionalism and integrity. This shift in focus has greatly reduced my stress and improved my interactions.
3. Recognize the Subjectivity of Perceptions
Understanding that our perceptions are subjective has been another significant insight. As Marcus Aurelius wisely put it, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” This realization helps me navigate misunderstandings and conflicts. When someone disagrees with me or criticizes me, I remind myself that their perspective is shaped by their experiences, just as mine is. This understanding fosters tolerance and reduces unnecessary confrontations.
4. Maintain Emotional Control
Stoicism has also taught me the power of emotional control.
Epictetus’ advice, “Remember, it is not enough to be hit or insulted to be harmed, you must believe that you are being harmed,” has been particularly impactful.
For example, when someone insults me, I pause and reflect on whether their words truly warrant an emotional response. More often than not, I realize that my peace of mind is more valuable than reacting impulsively.
This practice of pausing before reacting has helped me maintain calmness and composure.
5. Embrace Kindness and Compassion
Lastly, Stoicism emphasizes the importance of kindness and compassion.
Marcus Aurelius’ guidance, “Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy,” resonates deeply with me.
I’ve learned that responding to negativity with kindness not only defuses tension but also sets a positive example. Whether it’s a heated discussion or a minor disagreement, approaching the situation with genuine kindness helps foster mutual respect and understanding.
The bottom line
I hope you found this post valuable.
The wisdom of Stoicism has greatly influenced how I deal with other people, and I hope it can do the same for you.
Which of these quotes resonate with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
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Until next time, stay Stoic.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
