There’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing. As the Stoics say, some things are better left unsaid.
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, teaches us the art of self-control, wisdom and courage. It nudges us to recognize what’s in our control and what’s not.
One key Stoic practice is keeping certain things to ourselves. These aren’t secrets per se, but truths that do not necessarily need to be aired.
In this article, we’ll delve into the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of things you should always keep to yourself, according to Stoicism.
After all, the wise know when to speak and when to hold their tongue.
1) Personal grievances
The Stoics had a clear stance on airing personal grievances: Don’t do it.
Complaining, according to Stoicism, is a futile exercise. It doesn’t change the situation and often just serves to make you (and those around you) more miserable.
Consider this. When you’re upset about something, it’s natural to want to vent. But venting, while providing temporary relief, often prolongs the negative emotions associated with the grievance.
Instead, Stoics suggest taking a different route. They recommend accepting the situation as it is and focusing on how you can respond in a productive way.
In essence, this means keeping your complaints to yourself. Not in a bottling-up-your-emotions kind of way, but in an accepting-and-moving-forward kind of way.
So next time you feel the urge to grumble about the traffic, your boss, or the weather—pause. Remember the Stoic’s perspective and choose silence over complaint. The peace it brings might surprise you.
2) Future plans
Stoics have a unique take on sharing future plans: They advise against it.
I remember when I was planning to start my own business. Excited and full of energy, I told everyone about it.
But as time passed, the business took longer to set up than I anticipated. People started asking about it, and the pressure mounted.
That’s when I stumbled upon Stoicism. The Stoics believe that talking about our plans creates unnecessary pressure and expectations. Instead, they recommend working quietly until the results are ready to speak for themselves.
Had I practiced this principle, I might have saved myself some stress. Sharing my plans made me feel like I was under a microscope, which didn’t help my productivity or peace of mind.
According to Stoicism, it’s wise to keep your future plans to yourself. Work diligently in silence and let success make the noise.
3) Your acts of kindness
In Stoicism, acts of kindness are seen as duties, not something to boast about. Marcus Aurelius, a key figure in Stoicism and a Roman Emperor, believed that doing good deeds was simply fulfilling one’s role in society.
He often emphasized that good deeds should be done without the expectation of recognition or praise. The act itself should be rewarding enough.
With this in mind, it’s clear why Stoics would advise against broadcasting your acts of kindness. Instead, they recommend performing these deeds quietly and finding satisfaction in the act itself, not the applause that may follow.
So when you help an elderly neighbor with their groceries or donate to a cause close to your heart, take a leaf from the Stoics’ book and keep it to yourself. After all, true kindness needs no audience.
4) Personal achievements
In the Stoic philosophy, humility and modesty are virtues to strive for. This means not flaunting your personal achievements or successes.
It’s not about downplaying your accomplishments or denying your hard work. It’s about understanding that success is often a result of many factors, some of which are beyond our control.
Stoics believe that boasting about personal achievements can lead to arrogance and a false sense of superiority.
Instead, they encourage us to quietly acknowledge our success and express gratitude for the opportunities and support we’ve received.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.
5) Your fears and insecurities
We all have our fears and insecurities. Stoicism, however, teaches us to keep these concerns to ourselves, not out of shame or denial, but as a means of self-growth.
Stoics believe that by dwelling on our fears and constantly discussing them, we give them more power. They advise us to acknowledge our fears privately and work on overcoming them rather than allowing them to become a topic of conversation.
Insecurities, when shared, can often be magnified, leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Stoicism encourages us to confront these insecurities internally, using them as a catalyst for personal development.
Acknowledge your fear, but keep it to yourself and focus on the steps you need to take to overcome it.
6) Personal struggles
Life is not always smooth sailing. We all face personal struggles and challenges that test our strength and resolve.
These struggles are private battles to be navigated with resilience and wisdom, not to be displayed for sympathy or pity.
The Stoics believed that sharing our struggles could lead to a cycle of negative emotions and even hinder our ability to overcome these challenges.
They encouraged us to bear our burdens with grace and dignity, using them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.
This doesn’t mean you should suffer in silence. It simply suggests that dwelling on struggles publicly can sometimes amplify them. Instead, focus on finding solutions and cultivating inner strength.
7) Self-doubt
When learning a new skill, self-doubt often creeps in. I recently took up painting and found myself doubting my abilities. I compared my beginner’s work with that of seasoned artists and felt inadequate.
Stoicism, however, advises against sharing these moments of self-doubt. Stoics believe that voicing our doubts can reinforce them, making them seem larger and more insurmountable than they truly are.
Instead, they suggest acknowledging these doubts privately, understanding that they are a natural part of the learning process, and focusing on growth and improvement.
So, the next time you’re filled with self-doubt, remember to keep it to yourself. Use it as motivation to push harder and improve, rather than as a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.
8) Criticisms and judgments
We all have opinions and judgments about others. However, Stoicism teaches us that sharing these criticisms isn’t usually beneficial or constructive.
The Stoics believed that criticizing others often says more about us than the people we’re judging. Moreover, it can lead to negativity and conflict, which are counterproductive to the Stoic ideal of living a peaceful and virtuous life.
Instead of voicing your judgments, Stoics advise practicing understanding and empathy. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and it’s not our place to judge their journey.
9) Inner peace
The ultimate goal of Stoicism is inner peace. This profound sense of tranquility and contentment is deeply personal, almost sacred.
This inner peace comes from the practice of virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and moderation.
It is a reflection of your character, your resilience in the face of adversity, and your acceptance of things as they are.
It’s a deeply personal journey, and it’s something that should be experienced rather than explained. So, keep it to yourself and let it guide you towards a life of virtue and tranquility.
Embracing the Stoic silence
Stoicism, with its emphasis on self-control, wisdom, and inner peace, offers a unique perspective on the art of silence. By choosing to keep certain things to ourselves, we foster an environment of reflection and growth.
Seneca, a renowned Stoic philosopher, once said, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” The practice of keeping our fears, doubts, and struggles to ourselves is not about suppression but about avoiding unnecessary suffering.
The beauty of Stoicism lies in its simplicity. It doesn’t require grand actions or profound revelations. It’s about understanding the power of silence, the strength of resilience, and the value of inner peace.
As we navigate the complexities of life, let’s remember these Stoic principles. It’s not about keeping silent out of fear or insecurity; it’s about choosing wisdom over worry, action over complaint, and tranquility over turmoil.
In the end, it’s our choice. And maybe, just maybe, there’s a profound power in that silence.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
