Many of us put effort into boosting our attractiveness, often overlooking the fact that we already have traits and habits that naturally draw people in.
Attractiveness goes beyond looks. It’s a mix of our behaviors, actions, and how we interact with others.
Psychology reveals some surprising ways we unknowingly enhance our appeal. Whether it’s how we handle challenges or show empathy, our subconscious actions often make us more attractive than we realize.
Let’s explore seven things you might be doing that make you more attractive than you think, according to psychology.
1) Embracing your unique quirks
We often perceive our idiosyncrasies as flaws, doing our best to hide them from the world.
However, what we often fail to realize is that these unique quirks can significantly enhance our attractiveness.
According to psychological studies, authenticity is an attractive trait. People are drawn to those who are unapologetically themselves. It’s about maintaining your individuality and not conforming to societal expectations just for the sake of acceptance.
Think of your favorite artists, authors, or public figures. What makes them stand out? Often, it’s their uniqueness that sets them apart and makes them memorable and appealing.
So, rather than suppressing your quirks, embrace them. Whether it’s your infectious laugh, your passion for obscure hobbies, or your habit of speaking in metaphors, these unique aspects of your personality are likely making you more attractive than you realize.
They signify your authenticity and make you relatable, human, and ultimately, appealing.
2) Demonstrating empathy
The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is not just a commendable trait, it’s also an inherently attractive one.
In our interactions with others, we are often drawn to those who show genuine interest in our experiences and demonstrate empathy towards our feelings.
Empathetic people are perceived as more attractive. This is because they make us feel seen, heard, and valued.
They create a safe space where we feel comfortable expressing our thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment.
In my own life, I’ve noticed that my most meaningful relationships are with people who possess a strong capacity for empathy.
This ability to connect with others at a deeper level enhances personal bonds and fosters mutual respect.
As Brené Brown, a research professor and a renowned speaker who has extensively studied vulnerability, courage, and empathy, once said, “Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.'”
3) Practicing self-awareness and personal growth
One of the most attractive things we can do for ourselves is to invest time and effort in personal growth and self-awareness.
When we take the time to understand ourselves better, not only do we grow as individuals, but we also become more attractive to others.
Why is this so? Well, people are drawn to those who display a deep understanding of themselves and their feelings. It shows maturity and a strong sense of identity, which are both highly attractive traits.
Additionally, the journey of personal growth often involves challenging our limiting beliefs, confronting our fears, and cultivating self-compassion – all of which contribute to making us more resilient, authentic, and, therefore, more attractive.
To delve deeper into this topic, I encourage you to watch my video on the importance of embracing feeling like an imposter. It discusses how imposter syndrome is not a flaw to be fought against, but a sign of deep self-awareness and a catalyst for authentic growth and empowerment.

In this video, I explain how feeling like an ‘imposter’ can drive a more profound exploration of personal capabilities. This mindset not only fosters personal growth but also enhances our attractiveness by encouraging genuine self-acceptance.
And if you’re interested in exploring more about living life with greater purpose and freedom, consider joining our community of over 30,000 subscribers on YouTube.
Click here to subscribe and join us on this journey towards authenticity.
4) Embracing obstacles and setbacks
In a society that often promotes a “success at all costs” mentality, it can be tempting to view setbacks and failures as signs of inadequacy.
However, this mindset isn’t just detrimental to our self-esteem; it also obscures the fact that struggles and obstacles are integral aspects of our human experience.
Psychology suggests that resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity – is an incredibly attractive trait. It reflects strength, adaptability, and a growth mindset.
These are characteristics that draw people in because they signify a person who is not easily defeated and is willing to learn from their experiences.
In my own journey, I’ve found that my biggest setbacks have often been the catalysts for my most significant growth. Whether it’s failed ventures, personal losses, or missed opportunities, each experience has provided invaluable lessons and prompted me to reassess my values and priorities.
Rather than viewing these moments as failures, I choose to see them as opportunities for growth.
This perspective shift isn’t always easy – it requires courage and the willingness to confront our fears. Yet, it’s in these moments of struggle that we tap into our creative potential and find innovative solutions.
5) Cultivating authentic relationships
In a world that often values superficial connections and fleeting interactions, cultivating authentic relationships can seem challenging.
However, establishing deep, meaningful connections is not only fulfilling but incredibly attractive.
Authenticity in relationships stems from being real and honest about our flaws, fears, and aspirations.
It involves mutual respect, empathy, and the willingness to be vulnerable. These elements foster a deep connection that goes beyond the surface level.
People are naturally drawn to authenticity. It creates a safe space for genuine interaction, where each individual feels seen and appreciated for who they truly are.
Investing time and energy in creating authentic relationships indicates a level of maturity and emotional intelligence. It shows that you value depth over superficiality, which is a highly attractive trait.
In line with this, I invite you to watch my video on the importance of committing to being single as a meaningful phase of growth, self-discovery, and personal commitment.

Here, I delve into the significance of embracing singleness not as a permanent state but as an opportunity to focus on self-growth and building authentic relationships.
This perspective can make you more attractive as it showcases your commitment to personal development and authentic connection.
6) Being comfortable with solitude
Being comfortable with solitude may not seem like an obvious trait that increases attractiveness. After all, we live in a society that often equates being alone with loneliness.
However, the ability to enjoy your own company is a powerful trait that can make you more attractive.
Solitude provides an opportunity to engage in self-reflection and personal growth. It allows us to reconnect with our values, understand our emotions, and nurture our passions.
This sense of self-awareness and self-sufficiency is incredibly attractive as it signals independence and a deep understanding of oneself.
Moreover, being comfortable with solitude shows that we’re not seeking relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone, but rather because we genuinely value the connection and shared experiences.
So, if you find peace in your own company, know that this is an attractive quality. It shows that you’re comfortable with who you are and that you don’t need constant social validation to feel content.
This level of self-assurance and independence is appealing, making you stand out in the crowd.
Final thoughts
The intricacies of human attractiveness often transcend mere physical attributes.
Our behaviors, actions, and how we interact with the world around us play a significant role in our overall appeal.
As we’ve explored, it’s often the subtle, overlooked aspects of our personalities that make us more attractive.
From embracing our unique quirks and demonstrating empathy to being comfortable in solitude and aligning our actions with our values, each contributes to our overall attractiveness.
These traits and behaviors don’t just make us appealing to others; they also contribute to a deeper sense of self-awareness and personal growth.
Intrigued to learn more about living life with greater purpose and authenticity? Consider joining our community of over 30,000 subscribers on YouTube.
Click here to subscribe and embark on this journey towards authentic living.
Related Stories from The Stoic Mindset
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.