Dealing with a narcissist can be an exhausting challenge. But what if we could handle it the Stoic way?
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, teaches us to detach from chaotic emotions to navigate life calmly. Psychology, the science of the mind, equips us with understanding and strategies. Combine these two and we get a powerful toolkit.
This article will explore 8 ways to handle a narcissist using Stoic principles backed by psychology. Let’s delve into these strategies, not to manipulate but to effectively coexist with narcissists in our lives.
1) Acceptance is key
Dealing with a narcissist isn’t a walk in the park. Their need for admiration and lack of empathy can be draining. But here’s where the first principle of Stoicism comes into play: acceptance.
Stoics believe in discerning between what we can control and what we can’t. Narcissists’ behaviours fall into the latter category. So, instead of getting frustrated, accept their nature. It’s not about endorsing their behaviour, but acknowledging it.
Psychology supports this too! Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to accept things we can’t change. It allows us to react rationally rather than emotionally.
So, the next time you’re dealing with a narcissist, remember to breathe, accept, and respond calmly. It’s not about manipulating their behaviour but managing your reactions to it.
2) Detachment does wonders
If there’s one thing I’ve learned firsthand, it’s that detachment can be a lifesaver when dealing with a narcissist.
I once had a co-worker who would always make everything about herself. It was exhausting and, at times, infuriating.
Then, I remembered the Stoic principle of emotional detachment. Stoics teach us not to be swayed by external events but to maintain our inner peace.
So, I started practicing emotional detachment. Instead of reacting to her constant need for attention, I would take a step back, breathe, and detach myself from the situation.
This strategy is also supported by psychology. Psychologists often advise maintaining an emotional distance when dealing with narcissists to avoid getting drawn into their drama.
By practicing detachment, I was able to keep my cool and navigate the situation more effectively. It was a game-changer!
3) Practice empathy, not sympathy
Stoicism teaches us to show understanding towards others, including those who may be difficult to deal with. Narcissists, despite their tough exterior, often harbor deep insecurities.
Being empathetic can help diffuse tense situations.
However, there is a fine line between empathy and sympathy. While empathy involves understanding someone’s feelings, sympathy can lead to sharing those feelings.
In a study published in the Journal of Psychology, researchers found that while empathy can lead to increased helping behaviors, it can also lead to emotional exhaustion, especially when dealing with difficult individuals like narcissists.
So, remember to practice empathy with narcissists to understand their perspective but avoid getting emotionally entangled in their world. It’s a fine balance that can make a significant difference.
4) Establish boundaries
When interacting with a narcissist, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries. Stoicism teaches us to value our peace of mind and this often means not letting others overstep into our personal space or peace.
Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting the person out, but clearly communicating what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. It’s about standing your ground respectfully.
Psychologists also stress the importance of setting limits. Narcissists can be like emotional vampires, draining your energy if allowed unrestricted access to your life.
So, establish what’s acceptable for you and communicate that effectively. Remember, it’s okay to say no when necessary. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining your well-being.
5) Remember, it’s not about you
When you’re on the receiving end of a narcissist’s actions, it can feel intensely personal. But here’s the heartfelt truth: it’s not about you.
Stoicism teaches us that others’ actions and words often reflect their inner state, not our worth. Narcissists’ behaviors are a reflection of their own insecurities and needs, not a reflection of your value.
Psychologists echo this sentiment, explaining that narcissists project their own fears and inadequacies onto others.
So even when it hurts, try to remember – their behavior says more about them than it does about you. This understanding can help you maintain your self-esteem and peace amidst the chaos.
6) Seek support when needed
There was a time when I thought I had to handle everything on my own, including the constant drama from a narcissistic friend.
I kept my struggles to myself, afraid of burdening others. But over time, I realized that it’s okay to reach out for help.
Stoicism teaches us about endurance and resilience, but it also highlights the importance of community and connection. Stoic philosophers like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius often wrote letters to their friends, sharing their thoughts and seeking advice.
Psychology, too, encourages seeking support. Therapists can provide strategies to cope with narcissistic behavior and support groups can offer comfort in shared experiences.
So, don’t hesitate to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re human. And sometimes, a listening ear or a word of advice can make all the difference.
7) Cultivate self-awareness
One of the most empowering tools when dealing with a narcissist is self-awareness. Stoicism places a high value on understanding oneself, recognizing our reactions, and regulating our emotions.
Psychology also emphasizes self-awareness as a fundamental step in dealing with difficult people. By understanding our own triggers and emotional responses, we can better manage interactions with narcissists.
When you’re aware of your emotions and reactions, you can choose to respond rather than react. You can maintain your equilibrium even when faced with a narcissist’s disruptive behavior.
It’s a powerful strategy that can significantly improve your interactions.
8) Practice patience
Narcissists aren’t built overnight, and they won’t change in a day either. Patience, therefore, is your strongest ally in this journey.
Stoicism teaches us that some things take time, and dealing with a narcissist is no exception.
Psychology seconds this, explaining that behavioral changes, especially with personality disorders like narcissism, are slow and require consistent effort.
So, arm yourself with patience. It is not about waiting for the narcissist to change but about giving yourself the grace to handle the situation as best as you can.
Embracing the journey
Dealing with a narcissist can feel like navigating a complicated maze. But remember, it’s not just about getting through the maze, it’s about growing stronger with every twist and turn.
The principles of Stoicism, backed by the insights of psychology, offer us a roadmap. From acceptance to patience, each strategy is a step towards understanding and effectively engaging with narcissists in our lives.
Epictetus, a renowned Stoic philosopher, once said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This is profoundly true when dealing with narcissists.
Their actions may be challenging and their words may sting, but ultimately, we have control over our reactions. We hold the power to respond with understanding, patience, and resilience.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
