Have you ever found yourself wishing you’d learned some life lessons a bit sooner?
You’re not alone. Many of us go through life encountering valuable truths only after we’ve made a few mistakes.
In this article, we’ll explore five powerful Stoic lessons that most people learn too late in life.
Whether you’re new to Stoicism or looking to deepen your understanding, these insights can help you navigate life’s ups and downs with more grace and resilience.
So, let’s dive in and discover the timeless wisdom that can help us lead better, more fulfilling lives.
Lesson 1: The importance of the present moment
“Each of us lives only in the present this brief moment; the rest is either a life that is past or is an uncertain future.”—Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in regrets about the past or worries about the future. However, the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius reminds us that life is truly lived in the present moment.
When we dwell on the past, we often replay mistakes and missed opportunities, which can lead to feelings of guilt and regret. Similarly, obsessing over the future can fill us with fear and uncertainty about what lies ahead. Neither of these mental states is productive; they distract us from the beauty and opportunities of the present.
Living in the moment allows us to fully engage with our current experiences. It helps us appreciate the simple pleasures, connect more deeply with others, and make more thoughtful decisions. By being mindful of the present, we can respond to situations with clarity and calmness, rather than reacting out of habit or fear.
Ultimately, embracing the present moment is about taking control of our attention and directing it towards what truly matters. This shift in focus can lead to a more balanced, peaceful, and satisfying life.
Lesson 2: Everything is impermanent
How often do we find ourselves resisting change, clinging to the past, or fearing the future?
Too often, if I dare say so. But life is always changing. Change is one of the few constants in life.
As put by Marcus Aurelius, “Nature loves nothing so much as to change what it is and to create new things in their likeness” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
Yet, many of us spend a significant amount of time and energy resisting it. We hold on to what’s familiar, even if it’s no longer serving us, and fear what the future might bring.
Accepting the inevitability of change can significantly reduce our stress and anxiety. When we understand that everything is in a state of flux, we become more adaptable and resilient. This doesn’t mean we won’t feel sadness or loss, but it allows us to see these experiences as part of the natural cycle of life rather than as personal failures or tragedies.
Adapting gracefully to life’s fluctuations involves recognizing that change often brings new opportunities and growth. Instead of focusing on what we’re losing, we can shift our perspective to what we might gain. This mindset helps us navigate transitions with a sense of hope and possibility rather than dread.
Lesson 3: We control our reactions, rarely events
“What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.”—Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
We spend a lot of time and energy fretting over things we cannot control, don’t we?
Whether it’s the morning commute, the ups and downs of the economy, or how others behave, these external events can easily unsettle us. However, Epictetus reminds us that it’s not these events themselves that disturb us, but our judgments and reactions to them.
The lesson?
The only thing we truly have control over is our own response. This powerful insight allows us to shift our focus from trying to control the uncontrollable to mastering our own thoughts and actions. By doing so, we reclaim our peace of mind and reduce unnecessary stress.
Imagine sitting in traffic, growing more frustrated with each passing minute. The traffic isn’t the problem—it’s our reaction to it. By choosing to remain calm and perhaps using the time to listen to an audiobook or reflect on our day, we transform a potentially stressful situation into a productive one.
Similarly, when faced with economic uncertainty or difficult behavior from others, we can choose to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. This might mean adapting our financial plans to current realities or practicing empathy and patience with challenging individuals.
By focusing on controlling our reactions, we empower ourselves to navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease. This shift not only improves our mental and emotional well-being but also helps us handle situations more effectively.
Lesson 4: The futility of external validation
In our quest for approval, we often find ourselves bending over backward to meet the expectations of others. Whether it’s through our achievements, appearances, or behaviors, the desire for external validation can be exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling.
Marcus Aurelius wisely points out that true peace comes from focusing on our own actions and judgments rather than seeking the approval of others. He writes:
“How great a rest from labour he gains who does not look to what his neighbour says or does or thinks but only what himself is doing.”(The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
The truth is, we cannot please everyone. People’s opinions and expectations are as varied as they are unpredictable. What one person admires, another might disdain. Trying to cater to all these different perspectives leads to a fragmented sense of self and constant anxiety.
Instead, the Stoic approach encourages us to find validation from within. This means setting our own standards and values, and judging our actions against these personal benchmarks. When we prioritize self-approval, we develop a stronger sense of identity and purpose that isn’t swayed by the whims of others.
Internal validation involves being honest with ourselves about our motives and actions, and striving to live in accordance with our principles. It requires self-reflection and a commitment to personal growth. By focusing on what truly matters to us, we free ourselves from the relentless pursuit of external praise and the fear of criticism.
This doesn’t mean ignoring constructive feedback or becoming self-centered. Rather, it means valuing our own judgment and learning to trust ourselves. This shift allows us to live more authentically and with greater confidence, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and peaceful life.
Lesson 5: The value of simplicity and moderation
Did you know that some sources say we see up to 10,000 ads per day?
Yes, 10,000.
Our society is constantly encouraging us to want more, buy more, and consume more. From flashy commercials to social media influencers, we’re bombarded with messages that equate happiness with excess.
But stoicism offers a different take. It teaches us the value of simplicity and moderation. By focusing on our true needs rather than our endless wants, we can achieve a more peaceful and contented life.
Epictetus, for instance, advises, “For your body take just so much as your bare need requires such as food, drink, clothing, house, servants; but cut down all that tends to luxury and outward show.” (The Discourses of Epictetus, 1916)
This doesn’t mean we must live in deprivation; rather, it means finding joy in sufficiency and avoiding the pitfalls of excess.
Living simply means prioritizing essentials—nourishing food, comfortable shelter, and necessary clothing—over luxury items that offer fleeting satisfaction. It involves cultivating an appreciation for what we have rather than constantly seeking more. This mindset helps us break free from the cycle of consumerism that drives much of modern society.
Moderation, a core Stoic principle, encourages us to avoid extremes. It means enjoying pleasures in balanced amounts, whether it’s food, entertainment, or other indulgences. By doing so, we maintain control over our desires rather than letting them control us. This balance fosters a sense of stability and well-being.
The bottom line
These Stoic lessons, I think, offer timeless wisdom that can transform our lives. By integrating these principles into our daily routines, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and peace.
What about you? Have you learned any life lessons that have made a significant impact?
We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Share your insights in the comments below.
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Until next time, keep on learning.
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What would Marcus Aurelius say?
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