Ever wondered what makes genuinely Stoic individuals seem so composed and unflappable?
It’s not just a matter of mindset but also what they choose to keep to themselves.
Rooted in the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, Stoicism offers a profound guide to inner peace and resilience. Genuine Stoics understand the importance of discretion and the power of keeping certain things private.
This isn’t about secrecy but rather about focusing on what truly matters and letting go of what doesn’t.
Today, we’ll explore seven things that genuinely Stoic people always keep to themselves, helping them to maintain their calm demeanor and navigate life’s ups and downs with wisdom and strength.
Whether you’re new to Stoicism or a seasoned practitioner, these insights might just inspire you to rethink what you choose to share and what you keep within.
Let’s dive in.
1) Complaints about their circumstances
“Ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be that events should happen as they do, and you shall have peace.” Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus 1916)
Stoics understand the destructive power of constant complaining.
Instead of vocalizing their grievances and dissatisfaction with their circumstances, they focus on what they can control and accept what they cannot. By keeping their complaints to themselves, they avoid spreading negativity and maintain their composure.
Complaining about circumstances often leads to a victim mentality, which can trap individuals in a cycle of helplessness and frustration.
Stoics, however, strive to take responsibility for their reactions and find constructive ways to address their challenges. This mindset not only fosters resilience but also helps them to maintain a sense of inner peace and focus on productive actions.
By refraining from complaining, Stoics create a more positive and harmonious environment for themselves and those around them. This practice enables them to approach life’s difficulties with a clear mind and a determined spirit, ultimately leading to more effective problem-solving and personal growth.
2) Their achievements
So let’s say you’ve just accomplished something significant at work, maybe landed a major client, or completed a challenging project ahead of schedule.
Naturally, you feel proud and want to share your success with others. Sound familiar?
For Stoics, however, this is a moment they keep to themselves. They understand that boasting about their achievements can lead to unnecessary pride and external validation, which can be fleeting and superficial.
As put by Epictetus “When you have adopted the simple life, do not pride yourself upon it, and if you are a water-drinker do not say on every occasion, ‘I am a water-drinker.’ And if you ever want to train laboriously, keep it to yourself and do not make a show of it.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
Instead, they derive satisfaction from knowing they’ve done well, without needing others to acknowledge their success.
For a Stoic, the true reward lies in the intrinsic value of the accomplishment and the personal growth it brings. By keeping their successes private, they remain humble and focused on continuous improvement, rather than seeking external applause.
3) Their good deeds
Genuine Stoics understand the value of humility and prefer to keep their good deeds to themselves. They believe that true virtue lies in the act itself, not in seeking recognition or praise from others.
As Marcus Arurelius wrote:
“One kind of man, when he does a good turn to someone, is forward also to set down the favour to his account. Another is not forward to to this, but still within himself, he thinks as though he were a creditor and is conscious of what he has done. A third in a sense not even conscious of what he has done, but he like a vine which has borne grapes, and asks nothing more when one it has borne its appropriate fruit…..You ought to be one of these who in a way are not aware of what they do.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
Stoics embody this principle by performing acts of kindness and service quietly, without fanfare or expectation of reward.
By not broadcasting their good deeds, Stoics ensure their motivations remain pure and selfless. This approach not only preserves their integrity but also inspires others to act virtuously without seeking external validation.
The impact of their actions speaks for itself, fostering a culture of genuine generosity and compassion.
4) Future ambitions
I once had a friend who would excitedly share every new idea and future plan he came up with. From starting a business to learning a new skill, nothing was off-limits. But more often than not, those plans never came to fruition.
This common scenario highlights why genuinely Stoic individuals keep their future plans to themselves.
For Stoics, sharing future plans can lead to premature validation, which can diminish the motivation needed to see those plans through. By keeping their intentions private, they ensure their actions are driven by genuine commitment rather than the need for external approval.
Stoics prefer to let their actions speak louder than their words. By focusing on their efforts rather than broadcasting their intentions, they remain grounded and dedicated to their goals.
5) The past
Stoics understand that the past is out of their control, and dwelling on it only hampers their ability to live in the present.
This isn’t about ignoring past experiences but rather about learning from them and moving forward. By keeping their reflections on the past to themselves, they avoid unnecessary emotional turmoil and remain focused on what they can influence here and now.
Marcus Aurelius, in his meditations, emphasized the importance of this mindset:
“Each of us lives only in the present this brief moment; the rest is either a life that is past or is an uncertain future.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
By internalizing this wisdom, Stoics can cultivate a serene and balanced approach to life, unburdened by regrets or nostalgia.
Focusing on the present moment allows Stoics to engage more fully with their current responsibilities and relationships, ensuring they live each day to its fullest potential.
This conscious choice to prioritize the present over the past is a cornerstone of their tranquility and resilience.
6) Their personal growth
Ever noticed how some people seem to improve themselves silently, without making a big deal out of it?
Stoics are masters at this. They keep their personal growth to themselves, understanding that self-improvement is a deeply individual journey.
Marcus Aurelius once noted, “Retreat into yourself.”
Stoics know that by not discussing their self-improvement efforts, they avoid the pitfalls of seeking validation or approval from others. This introspective approach allows them to focus purely on the process and the intrinsic rewards it brings.
It ensures that their motivation remains self-driven and authentic, rather than influenced by others’ opinions or expectations. This quiet dedication to self-betterment fosters a profound sense of inner strength and resilience, enabling them to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and confidence.
7) Negative opinions of others
Say you notice a colleague making decisions you disagree with or behaving in a way you find unwise. It’s tempting to share your opinions with others, right?
Well, Stoics choose to keep these thoughts to themselves.
Stoics recognize that sharing their opinions about others can lead to gossip, misunderstandings, and unnecessary conflict. By refraining from vocalizing these judgments, they avoid creating tension and maintain harmonious relationships.
Keeping opinions about others private also allows Stoics to focus on their own actions and behavior. They understand that they cannot control others, only their responses to them. This practice fosters a sense of empathy and patience, enabling Stoics to interact with others more positively and constructively..
Final words
Stoics master the art of keeping certain aspects of their lives private, allowing them to maintain inner peace and focus on what truly matters.
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What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
